A new adventure begins

It's officially been over six months since I've posted the test run. So long, in fact, that it's taken me a couple of days and some digging around for very small sticky notes to figure out how, exactly, I did it the first time. But now that I've gotten that bit of logistical rocket science out of the way, I can move on to an actual posting! (ooh, ahh, *gasps of shock*) It's a bit of a dissertation (I've got to start practicing sometime, right?), but I don't imagine other posts will be so long. I just want to make sure to take good notes, as I didn't when in undergrad and have kicked myself ever since.

Yesterday was my first day of orientation for the MA/PhD program at the U of M. I was simultaneously nervous and thrillingly relieved to finally be at that point, having wondered what it would be like since I was accepted into the program on the last day of March. The whole day felt like one of those out of body experiences in a way. Paradoxical. Both being IN the room, and WATCHING myself in the room. Though I've been involved in theater projects in the years since college, and though I've worked for various theater companies since graduating, I haven't had that unique feeling of being at the center of the action for quite a while. Here I was in a classroom, running around doing warmup/ice breaker activities with the other grad students, and feeling like a student/kid again, but in a grown up way. Is that possible? Afterwards I contributed to the group debriefing about the experience - sharing how I felt and what might be helpful in using an activity like this with the students I'd eventually be teaching.

I was also asked to share a theater experience recently that "re-filled my well" and reminded why I love theater. I haven't been asked a question like that in so long. It felt re-filling and wonderful just to have a chance to articulate my thoughts and feelings! I have so missed that part of myself and am thrilled to have the opportunity to revive it. To be at the center of the action rather than the cheerer and supporter from the sidelines. To think about what theater means to me and why it's important, rather than just how I can build the audience or raise money for it. Not that I didn't think about these bigger questions while at Mu, they just weren't in the forefront of my mind on a daily basis.

Though I am not TA-ing the first year (thank goodness that I'll have some time to remember just how to be a student first), I was able to sit in on the TA training yesterday, and will do a little more this week. Perhaps it's because I know I don't have to teach right away, but I feel so much more calm about it than I thought I would. The support structure is excellent - with 3 days of training and a huge 3-ring binder of resources to utilize. I feel the terror alert descending to yellow already :)

And it doesn't hurt that I got a chance to meet and even get to know a lot of the other students, both those that are incoming with me this year, and those that have been in the program from 1-4 years already. Including my friend Charles from CLIMB. I was excited to discover that some of them don't know their exact area of research yet, and that others had changed once or multiple times. Oh joy to know I'm not the only indecisive one intending to let the program take me where it may. For a while, anyway. But, my co-horts all seemed very cool, with a wide range of interests and life experiences. And, I also discovered that many of them are married, which is nice to know. We'll be in the same boat. Maybe our spouses could start a support group...? Like the "married to a Walseth" support group of which I and Sam's mom are members :)

I'm sure there will be many, many more ups and downs to come, and even lots of logistical things to figure out. Like structuring my time and all of the things I want and need to do, now that I'm not going to be at work 8 or more hours a day. It's been a long time since undergrad!

On another note, I've been thinking that being here in the Twin Cities, and having my husband, friends, family, home, familiar hangouts, support system, etc. would be a blessing, so that I don't have to make a completely new start. While this will definitely be true, I can now see that meshing two busy schedules (school and personal life) will be a crazy challenge as well. I just hope both sides can be understanding. (Thank you all in advance :)

Yes, I still have some fear of the pending workload, any the many other hurdles to come. But I also feel a tremendous amount of relief in knowing, at least for the moment, like this is EXACTLY where I'm supposed to be right now. *Happy sigh.*